"Mere hamraahi suno....aao chaleeeennn chaand k paar...jahan na gum ho naa ....naa .aasoon ho...mere aas paas tere paas paas.. tera pyaar hooo meraa pyar hoo"
And we kissed for the first time.....
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Chapter 1 The first impression
July 12,1988
It was a usual hot morning.Mummy was busy in kitchen ,papa with news paper,brother with books and i....with myself and my book shelf.It was my first day at school,the best in the city. I had just moved here from a very small town.Having spend most of my life in the town playing gilli danda,cricket and many fun games with friends who had no obligation imposed by there poor parents for studying.Hope i had been as lucky as they are,i thought.
It was heart breaking and it felt worse while i was preparing for school thinking what those guys would be doing right now.
Somehow i manged to get myself in the uniform and picked up the bag which was loaded with enough books to make me feel more of a trolley waala than a student.As usual mom gave me some sugar curd mixture,a traditional "thums up" omen, along with advices that covered myriad topics ranging from not fighitn with others to how can i "step up" in life .Then it was time for papa
to do what he does best....
"So ...today is your first day......You are in 8th now ...maths is going to be difficult...your normal laziness would get you nowhere....It is a big school, luckily you got the admission if you dont study now you will end up doing nothing and i dont have enough money to keep wasting on you...and on and on......"
Finally, i was through with the do's and don't do's section and countless "jee papa"
I picked my cycle and rocketed to the school.It was seriously a big school.There were students in numbers that can be compared to the Dussera gathering of our town.Hope i didnt find anything comparable to the giant rides.Then the assembly followed were a group of children standing in front kept shouting prayers in the loud speakers while others providing there audio inputs resulting in utter dissonance.
Then we went into the class were "present mam", "yes mam" kept ringing.She introduced me to the class as new student and then asked me to tell something about myself.My english was as bhartiya as myself."Hi everybody my name is Amit singh.... I am from gaazipur .I did my studing from Bal udyaan,gram bajardiha.My hobbies are playing gilli danda and waaachin tv".They all laughed and i seriously started doubting whether they have mistaken me for mogli.Even the head mam was smiling and it felt so bad that i could hardly lift my eyes to face the class as they all laughed except for one girl.She was sitting in the front row and i didnt knew why but as she watched me with her big beautiful eyes commiserating,it felt good.That was when Sakina and i introduced ourselves to each other not through words but something much more transcendental then that.Atlast it was over and i was told to take my seat.The classes started and after three hours of lectures we had some respite of recess. Nobody came to me or talked to me and i was an outcast for the class.Hope i would have been in my village ....
"Amit...."someone called .It was her."Hi I am Sakina....Had your lunch ?"
I wanted to say something but instead stood there in utter silent.She carried on "you have missed some classes..I will give you the notes"
"Yes".i said ...finally i convinced her that she way not talking gibberish.
"Dont worry in few days every thing is going to be fine .It takes a few days.I can understand how it feels to join a new school.I also came here an year ago.Abbu is a professor in BHU.We shifted from Aligarh"
It surely alleviated lot of pain of my beleaguered self.
"Will you be my friend ?" The intonation of the words carried such doubt that i could have easily replaced it with "can you climb Mt everest...Can ya ?"
"Off course..Yes.We are friends"As she said she smiled and for the first time today someone smiled in appreciation at me.
About Me
- The insoluble_stain
- hmm this is a hell difficult question to ask anybody.how can anybody describe himself in words. This question has been asked lots of time in interviews and after a couple of rounds you graduate with "i was born on ...i did my schooling from... on personal front ..... and in the end ...thank you for providing me an opportunity to have discussions with you....and you are all set. okk for those of you who even cared to reach this point and have courage to read further here it is . Spent most of my childhood with books...prepared for enng exams ,Btech from an NIT(REC)Computer Science. Hit by recession currently working in open text corporation . for further insight in my mediocre life check my posts...thats it or should i say "This is it(remember MJ :))"
Monday, October 11, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Symphony of corporeal sins
ou motherfucker...a mosquito....haha..."
.The ground....it smelled like heaven, moist one.With my own blood ,from my broken nose,my jaws .But i was helpless ..I was to be killed by my pray,supposed to be prey .Its over....the story of a loser gets a perfect ending.The adrenaline gushed through my body ,but it paralysed me as always,when my devastator kept punching me,pouncing on me hitting me on ground .His strong body , much more fight experience made it easy for him and so hard on me.It is over its all over ...He wont rest a second before he turns my body in a shit ...But ..I cant give up ...i cant give up..........not now its just the beginning of what supposed to be a "thrillarious" odessey
My mind wondered to every where every thing .......kill..book...hit nothing ....I had a just few minutes of my pathetic life to bear........still nothin ....points of permanent damage....go go for the shin...But how ???he wont stop...And then it happened....that was the moment.....he stopped to pick me up and look me in the eyes to say something which my jammed ears couldnt decipher..my eyes were blinded....but still i can see...,i can smell....the pumped up blood in his veins..Two bodies went down together but only one had its breathing intact.
Few seconds before ,I successfully gathered enough power to hit him, to give myself the only shot i got.i reached with full power on his shin ....,He limped on the ground and then sodium thiopental did the rest.The drug for animal euthansia was used atleast once at the right place.. .The invaluable sense of being in control overtook me.The air i was breathing felt more meaningful as i lied there watching his cold eyes with the same enthusiasm like any normal fucking couple looks at each other on there first night before fuckin!!!!..It felt good..justice was at last served.The mission was successful was it....was it.I was 200 kms away from my house with a body that felt like a rally race sports car badly needing serviciing, a layed down animal on a highway If anybody sees me around here in this condition i will meet my end.I cant lie here foerever I have to take my chances, and so i forced myself up and invited him in my car .dragging him through to the safety of the back of the car .I knew i would have left some evidence behind but to hell with that .I can barely move my finger how am i supposed to move this 34 year old aging ,pulverised smoked out,drunked up body there.
Fuckkk!!!!I should have planned every move....checked on every scenario....more than just picking up a gun and the drug filled injections .
Thirty minutest later i got off the highway and was just to take the bridge that would lead me straight to my house....when i saw what i most dreaded .Police !!!
There was a comprehensive search being conducted .Fuck !!!!Wat now i cant turn back and cant commit suicide .No!!!!!!!!!Common man do something......Fuck!!!!!!
I did what i had to.....
"Police Police " I kept shouting and drove straight at a high speed directly to the check post.They were startled ....I came out to display my crushed out body and told them what they wanted to here....gasping for breath to add the effects
..I...i am an engineer (that was to make them belive that i am i m a nerdy idiot)My car's tyre got punctured and while...while i was changing it two armed men came and hit me...took all my money my watch .... .Somehow i fixed my tyre and drove here.What is this????
You people cant assure the safety of common man.You can only harass us !!!!!!!! instead of safegaurding us by putting some people out there you are just sitting and collecting bribes here.I will register a written complaint against you..... i will call media.I have friends in NDTV.Let every body know...I am going to call them right now ......
It worked ..they started apologising for no reason whatsoever and pleaded to take me to hospital which i vehemently refused saying that they were not there when i was getting kicked now i can save myself,indeed i saved myself.They were happy to let me pass through and so was i.conditioned stimulus .....behavioural psychology...I thanked pavlov for ringing bells with the dog and developing the concept of conditioned response.I just spiced it up with some reverse effect...after all its not shit it is science at work.They force people into speaking truth by unlocking there unkown fears and i gave them taste of there own medicine.
I reached straight home and rested only when i kept my dead guest into a freezer that i got installed for such remarkable people.Cleaned up myself ..made myself a big glass of rum and started pondering on what is to come next!!!!!!!
.The ground....it smelled like heaven, moist one.With my own blood ,from my broken nose,my jaws .But i was helpless ..I was to be killed by my pray,supposed to be prey .Its over....the story of a loser gets a perfect ending.The adrenaline gushed through my body ,but it paralysed me as always,when my devastator kept punching me,pouncing on me hitting me on ground .His strong body , much more fight experience made it easy for him and so hard on me.It is over its all over ...He wont rest a second before he turns my body in a shit ...But ..I cant give up ...i cant give up..........not now its just the beginning of what supposed to be a "thrillarious" odessey
My mind wondered to every where every thing .......kill..book...hit nothing ....I had a just few minutes of my pathetic life to bear........still nothin ....points of permanent damage....go go for the shin...But how ???he wont stop...And then it happened....that was the moment.....he stopped to pick me up and look me in the eyes to say something which my jammed ears couldnt decipher..my eyes were blinded....but still i can see...,i can smell....the pumped up blood in his veins..Two bodies went down together but only one had its breathing intact.
Few seconds before ,I successfully gathered enough power to hit him, to give myself the only shot i got.i reached with full power on his shin ....,He limped on the ground and then sodium thiopental did the rest.The drug for animal euthansia was used atleast once at the right place.. .The invaluable sense of being in control overtook me.The air i was breathing felt more meaningful as i lied there watching his cold eyes with the same enthusiasm like any normal fucking couple looks at each other on there first night before fuckin!!!!..It felt good..justice was at last served.The mission was successful was it....was it.I was 200 kms away from my house with a body that felt like a rally race sports car badly needing serviciing, a layed down animal on a highway If anybody sees me around here in this condition i will meet my end.I cant lie here foerever I have to take my chances, and so i forced myself up and invited him in my car .dragging him through to the safety of the back of the car .I knew i would have left some evidence behind but to hell with that .I can barely move my finger how am i supposed to move this 34 year old aging ,pulverised smoked out,drunked up body there.
Fuckkk!!!!I should have planned every move....checked on every scenario....more than just picking up a gun and the drug filled injections .
Thirty minutest later i got off the highway and was just to take the bridge that would lead me straight to my house....when i saw what i most dreaded .Police !!!
There was a comprehensive search being conducted .Fuck !!!!Wat now i cant turn back and cant commit suicide .No!!!!!!!!!Common man do something......Fuck!!!!!!
I did what i had to.....
"Police Police " I kept shouting and drove straight at a high speed directly to the check post.They were startled ....I came out to display my crushed out body and told them what they wanted to here....gasping for breath to add the effects
..I...i am an engineer (that was to make them belive that i am i m a nerdy idiot)My car's tyre got punctured and while...while i was changing it two armed men came and hit me...took all my money my watch .... .Somehow i fixed my tyre and drove here.What is this????
You people cant assure the safety of common man.You can only harass us !!!!!!!! instead of safegaurding us by putting some people out there you are just sitting and collecting bribes here.I will register a written complaint against you..... i will call media.I have friends in NDTV.Let every body know...I am going to call them right now ......
It worked ..they started apologising for no reason whatsoever and pleaded to take me to hospital which i vehemently refused saying that they were not there when i was getting kicked now i can save myself,indeed i saved myself.They were happy to let me pass through and so was i.conditioned stimulus .....behavioural psychology...I thanked pavlov for ringing bells with the dog and developing the concept of conditioned response.I just spiced it up with some reverse effect...after all its not shit it is science at work.They force people into speaking truth by unlocking there unkown fears and i gave them taste of there own medicine.
I reached straight home and rested only when i kept my dead guest into a freezer that i got installed for such remarkable people.Cleaned up myself ..made myself a big glass of rum and started pondering on what is to come next!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Memoirs Of Life
"Yes...I love you too..." and a long gasp for breath. The lie that he has been telling over and over again to different girls, in different places, at different times.
Last night had been a usual weekend start for him.Fried chicken, a bottle of whisky, a packet of cigarettes and a couple of rounds of sex.Ususally he felt tired enough to have some respite of sleep but today it was different.
After hours of struggle he rose to light a cigarette .Clad in minimal outfit he went to comfort himself on the chair he kept in the balcony of his apartment in 1040 Fifth Avenue,NYC.
He switched on his Samsung D1.11 and suddenly got deluged with reminiscence of the older times. Samsung was the company that gave him his first break. Life has never been a walk in the park for him. His education and his struggle to get his first job has immuned him in dealing with difficult situations.” It isn’t over till its over”. He generally used to say to his sub-ordinates .From the graduates of top engineering institutes to the uneducated masses of U.P,they all want to be ruled. Only difference is in the idea that they bow there heads to. If u are ready to take charge, you can rule the world. Just get addicted to the drug of taking calculated risks and back them up.Paitently wait for the right time and when it comes go for the kill!!!These simple strategies had got him here from a 1 room house in Mirzapur to 3 Bedroom apartment in the most expensive place in the world.
Today the years of travel, of defeats, of victories, of achievements, of failures were rising in his mind and militated against the camouflage of the persona he has created. Today the burden of living someone else's life has become unbearable that even a lavish dinner, exotic wine, best brands of cigarettes and ... can't overcome.
His mind wondered to reach his oldest memories of his early childhood… Mirzapur ,a small town in U.P.Being youngest in the family , he was loved commanded,rebuked by all .The family was run with a single agenda...to give the children best possible education. The income was limited, but so were the wants. He used to spend most of the time wandering through the neighborhood that comprised of a big play ground, remains of a church build in colonial times, some houses, and enough nature's presence to keep a child busy...........
...Suddenly the mobile rang....Its 5 already, the usual time to wake up. He was already up but not in this world. He exited the alarm and went inside to have a cup of tea and of course his usual medication...a cigarette.
Last night had been a usual weekend start for him.Fried chicken, a bottle of whisky, a packet of cigarettes and a couple of rounds of sex.Ususally he felt tired enough to have some respite of sleep but today it was different.
After hours of struggle he rose to light a cigarette .Clad in minimal outfit he went to comfort himself on the chair he kept in the balcony of his apartment in 1040 Fifth Avenue,NYC.
He switched on his Samsung D1.11 and suddenly got deluged with reminiscence of the older times. Samsung was the company that gave him his first break. Life has never been a walk in the park for him. His education and his struggle to get his first job has immuned him in dealing with difficult situations.” It isn’t over till its over”. He generally used to say to his sub-ordinates .From the graduates of top engineering institutes to the uneducated masses of U.P,they all want to be ruled. Only difference is in the idea that they bow there heads to. If u are ready to take charge, you can rule the world. Just get addicted to the drug of taking calculated risks and back them up.Paitently wait for the right time and when it comes go for the kill!!!These simple strategies had got him here from a 1 room house in Mirzapur to 3 Bedroom apartment in the most expensive place in the world.
Today the years of travel, of defeats, of victories, of achievements, of failures were rising in his mind and militated against the camouflage of the persona he has created. Today the burden of living someone else's life has become unbearable that even a lavish dinner, exotic wine, best brands of cigarettes and ... can't overcome.
His mind wondered to reach his oldest memories of his early childhood… Mirzapur ,a small town in U.P.Being youngest in the family , he was loved commanded,rebuked by all .The family was run with a single agenda...to give the children best possible education. The income was limited, but so were the wants. He used to spend most of the time wandering through the neighborhood that comprised of a big play ground, remains of a church build in colonial times, some houses, and enough nature's presence to keep a child busy...........
...Suddenly the mobile rang....Its 5 already, the usual time to wake up. He was already up but not in this world. He exited the alarm and went inside to have a cup of tea and of course his usual medication...a cigarette.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Here with you......
"
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go" !!
How many years old have you gone ? I asked myself ....tryin to understand the subtle phenomena of life and its implication in accordance to the person...coming up to this age how many of us think that we have filled our life with "life".have i lived 2009 ??
i think "no".....we are too busy in surviving the moments of joy ,sorrow,success and failure to actually live and enjoy the vividness that the life grants profusely ..
How does having a bad time any different than a roller coaster ride ...Infact it is more "real"...you fall and you rise ....but our natural instinct which is no better than that of an prey in a jungle, constantly pips us to watch our back and be cautious,to sulk when in trouble and to breathe a sigh of relief when some goal is achieved .
Many of us feel we had been unlucky or just didnt had enough ingredients to come out wid flying colors from a situation.But does it really matter where you are ,what you do,what you have achieved in your life...decade have passed when we had been running behind some aims,goals,ambitions.These may be posed on us or we individually opted for taking that useless strain on our shoulders to give some valid materialistic significance to our existence.Having said that i by no means mean to imply that one has to be careless with his life..i just want to be "carefree" because being careful to each and every small pin attached to my existential aura is guaranteeing piercing and draining of "life" from it.
Well i am thankful to God for he has given me some hard times,some bad memories...otherwise i wouldnt had been able to really value the good goings.I really feel the blessings he bestowed upon me by giving me the hardships.
Well i have decided something...i am done surviving the time....I have decided that however bad or good the life gets i am gonna enjoy each moment before it withers away coz it hardly matters.The thing to be really satisfied and be happy about is that we are living..nothing is more important than this...to be living is the only happiness,only thing we can be really proud of because life is what which brought us here and it will go extinguish with us when we die.
I have decided that i am gonna live my life,fill it with loads of fun excitement and feelin or in short fill it with "life".Just add life in every thing you have ,in every thing you do and you will feel the difference....kyunki kya pata kl ho na ho...
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go" !!
How many years old have you gone ? I asked myself ....tryin to understand the subtle phenomena of life and its implication in accordance to the person...coming up to this age how many of us think that we have filled our life with "life".have i lived 2009 ??
i think "no".....we are too busy in surviving the moments of joy ,sorrow,success and failure to actually live and enjoy the vividness that the life grants profusely ..
How does having a bad time any different than a roller coaster ride ...Infact it is more "real"...you fall and you rise ....but our natural instinct which is no better than that of an prey in a jungle, constantly pips us to watch our back and be cautious,to sulk when in trouble and to breathe a sigh of relief when some goal is achieved .
Many of us feel we had been unlucky or just didnt had enough ingredients to come out wid flying colors from a situation.But does it really matter where you are ,what you do,what you have achieved in your life...decade have passed when we had been running behind some aims,goals,ambitions.These may be posed on us or we individually opted for taking that useless strain on our shoulders to give some valid materialistic significance to our existence.Having said that i by no means mean to imply that one has to be careless with his life..i just want to be "carefree" because being careful to each and every small pin attached to my existential aura is guaranteeing piercing and draining of "life" from it.
Well i am thankful to God for he has given me some hard times,some bad memories...otherwise i wouldnt had been able to really value the good goings.I really feel the blessings he bestowed upon me by giving me the hardships.
Well i have decided something...i am done surviving the time....I have decided that however bad or good the life gets i am gonna enjoy each moment before it withers away coz it hardly matters.The thing to be really satisfied and be happy about is that we are living..nothing is more important than this...to be living is the only happiness,only thing we can be really proud of because life is what which brought us here and it will go extinguish with us when we die.
I have decided that i am gonna live my life,fill it with loads of fun excitement and feelin or in short fill it with "life".Just add life in every thing you have ,in every thing you do and you will feel the difference....kyunki kya pata kl ho na ho...
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